Last Comic Standing and other things that have happened lately...

The Last Comic Standing auditions were yesterday at ACME. I didn't try out because I only have approximately 15 minutes of material and being green doesn't act to one's advantage in a comedy contest. A lot of comedians slept overnight outside of ACME. I went to visit for a while and then left to go sleep in my warm, soft bed. I came back in the morning after my bio lab, toting a bagel and cream cheese and some hot coffee for Tommy, who had stayed up all night with the rest of the comics. As soon as I got there, I offered him my gift and he literally said "augh, no I can't eat that..." and turned away. I've been really frustrated with him lately - mostly his lack of grace and gratitude. It makes me not want to do anything for him. Anyway, that's off topic - Comedy is what we're here for, right?

At 10am yesterday morning there were about 200 people standing in line for auditions. Most of my friends were in the 20-50 range and did get to audition, but a lot of the people past 80 or so were turned down due to the time shortage and such. None of my close friends got into the showcase, step 2 to getting on to the actual show. A few acquaintances did, though - if you'll look to the left of your page, you'll see the name "Mary Mack" - she got in. Another woman named Shannan Paul got on and a guy named Joey I.L.O. I didn't go to the showcase last night, so I don't know who was picked to go to L.A. or wherever the next step is. Hopefully a few of my friends did.

Apparently Last Comic Standing is rigged like nobody's business. Certain comics with notable television or film appearances had the upper hand by getting appointments instead of having to stand in line. Others were automatically in the showcase or on the show. Some well known comics like Doug Benson and Jimmy Pardo auditioned or got on. I don't know what to think of that - these guys are making money hand over fist with television shows and specials and touring. Well, maybe not hand over fist, but they sure as hell don't *need* the opportunity to be on Last Comic Standing - if anything, I'd think it would take them back a few steps in their comedy careers. In anycase, it was fun to hang out and see all the comedians in one place for a little while. The poor comics who didn't get into the showcase were mocked or verbally beaten to a bloody pulp by that asswipe "Ant". Apparently he's trying to be the "Simon" of the show. I don't understand how or why they picked the judges they did for this season. Alonzo Bodden - a former contestant on LCS, Kathleen Madigan - again, a former contestant on LCS and a fairly decent female comedienne, and Ant - Goddamn Ant - the least funny "comedian" on the face of the planet. He was also on one of the previous seasons of LCS and he hosts "Celebrity Fitness Challenge" or whatever the hell it's called. He's got no right to tell comedians what's funny, seeing as he's not really a comedian. So I guess the only thing you get from being on LCS is to be a judge on LCS... It makes me mad how unfair it is. Comedy is unfair all around, though.

In other news, I went to the Zach Galifianakis show on Saturday night at the Pantages. Greg Fitzsimmons and Lynn Shawcroft opened the show. It was the first comedy show I've seen in a big auditorium like that, usually it's at smaller clubs. It was shorter than I expected it to be, but it was amazing all around - at least Zach was - Greg and Lynn were okay but nothing to write home about. We wound up at ACME after the show where Greg was headlining (he did 3 shows in one night, shazzam!). Mr. Galifianakis was there too. I was too nervous to say anything to him until later, but Lynn walked right up to Tommy and I and started eating our fries and talking about Mitch Hedberg. We had an awkward heart to heart with her for a few minutes while she munched on our food, she offered us drinks but we refused and then she walked away. Later that night, I was "talking shop" with Greg when Lynn rolls around, drunk as a skunk, wailing about Mitch and worrying that nobody liked him. She was having some problems that night I think. Again, later - I got Zach's autograph and joked around with him for a while but the comic I talked to the most was Greg - he even showed Tommy and I naked pictures of his wife. Awkward, but sort of flattering to think that he's comfortable enough or he likes us enough to show us that stuff.

In anycase, it was a decent week comedy-wise. I haven't done it in about 2 weeks, I should get on that. Maybe tonight or tomorrow. Definitely signing up on Monday.

This is a long long post so no funny videos or pictures today, kids, sorry.

Atomic Blom(berg)out.

Shucks

Last night was the first Monday night in a long time when it was a.) absolutely gorgeous out b.) light out when I got to ACME and c.) I brought someone to ACME to see me perform. It was also the first Monday in a while that I didn't get on. It's probably for the best considering I hadn't eaten anything all day, I had 2 cups of coffee, I had gone on a really long jog earlier, I was really tired and abnormally nervous. I was shaking like a crackhead's baby. It just sucked because I had brought Mike, my brother, along to see me. The show wasn't that great anyway, it was all older comics who do material on their families and day jobs - not funny. Not college humor. I really wanted to do my Wilford Brimley joke too...

Since my brother's an art major specializing in photography, I've asked him to take some headshots of me. Not that I need them now, but I'd just like some decent pictures of me to show off... And who knows, maybe I'll need them sometime in the future. I don't really plan on changing my appearance drastically in the next few years, so it's not that big of a deal - plus, it's either free or incredibly cheap. Why not?

I was planning on doing comedy every night of the week this week seeing as it's Spring Break and I have no obligations, but that's already been dashed - Sunday was Grumpy's in Coon Rapids, but like I said, it's smokey and not that pleasant there. Monday was ACME and I didn't get on and Tonight (Tues), there really isn't anywhere to perform. I've still got Wed-Sat to do my thing and I plan on doing the crap out of my thing. So come see me at Grumpy's on Washington on Wed, the Corner Bar on Thurs and Fri and shit... there isn't anywhere to go on Saturday... well, come see me Wed-Fri then.

Good Advices...?

It's amazing the "advice" you get offstage. I've had people tell me what to add, what to take out, to do something entirely different, how to position my body correctly, how to "rap" with the audience... I don't know if I should take it or not. Like all suggestions, I'm taking them with a grain of salt, but I don't know how I look onstage so I don't know if I'm doing anything wrong necessarily. I'll take a good tag if you've got one or maybe a suggestion on not swaying so much, but when you tell me to take an entire chunk out of my act? That's a little much I think. Isn't comedy a form of art where the performer him/herself gets to decide what's comfortable and what's not? There's no director, no stage manager, no producer - you do what you want and if it feels right, you do it again. I had someone come up to me right after I got offstage and say "you stickin' around? I wanna talk to you about your set, what you can do to make it better." Thanks but no thanks. At this point in my comedy, I want criticism but I also want to figure it out for myself - that's part of the journey, isn't it?

Anyway, come see me tonight at the Corner Bar in Minneapolis - 10pm, free!

Here's some hilariously adorable entertainment:

What a fickle mistress

Comedy is such a weird thing. It's the only emotion you go somewhere to try to get it. You don't go to a live show to watch one person standing on stage to get sad or to get scared or to get angry. You go to get happy and to laugh. It's an even weirder thing to be the person trying to make the audience laugh. It's one thing to be the class clown or the funny one in your group of friends, but to get onstage in front of 200 some odd people, most of whom you've never met and never will meet, is very very strange.

The psychology of comedy is interesting as hell. I don't know all the fancy words and text book facts on it, but from what I've observed, the audience is one living, breathing entity that seemingly thinks alike. It's not 200 separate people, it's one body and if it doesn't think something is funny, it doesn't laugh. It's weird how one joke works wonders on one group of people and the same joke falls flat on it's face in front of another group. I like to watch the audience from the back of the theater and see what makes them tick - how their faces react to a certain joke or how their body language changes when they laugh. Comedy isn't just theater, it's psychology too. Then again, theater isn't just theater, it's also psychology.

I'm happy to say that my comedy has grown a lot since the first time I went onstage way back in September. Last night at ACME, I got more laughs than I ever have. I was comfortable and I talked to the audience and I ad libbed. It was great. I was surprised it went so smoothly because I wasn't prepared, I didn't even go over my material before going on, I hadn't written anything new in a few weeks and I wasn't feeling too well yesterday. I love how when you get onstage, even if you're sicker than a dog, as soon as the spotlight hits you the sickness vanishes. You don't feel your body anymore - maybe you should, it's important in stage presence. That's one thing I need to brush up on is stage presence. I sway sometimes and I do weird things with my hands apparently. I need to be more aware of my body and my movements.

I don't have a video for you today, kids, but I have a suggestion: go out and see some live comedy - it's ten times better than the stuff on tv or the radio.

Sunday Sunday

Sunday nights at Grumpy's in Coon Rapids, there's free comedy. I haven't gone up there yet, but I'm strongly considering it. The reason I'm hesitant is because A.) there's really no "stage" to speak of - it's a clearing to the side of the bar - the comedian is literally face to face with the audience. B.) it's in Coon Rapids and they allow smoking there which isn't a huge deal, but it's annoying enough to prevent me from going and C.) I work at 8am tomorrow and the show starts at 10pm. A buddy of mine works in the prison up there and she sees a lot of "former clients" at the bar which is also a bit of a deterrent.

The perks, on the other hand, are that A.) it's another place to do comedy and brush up on my act, B.) all performers get a free drink and since Sunday nighs are 2 for 1s, they get 2 free drinks (sweet) and C.) it's a chance to catch up with other comedians and have one last hurrah for the weekend before a long and arduous week of school, work and comedy - wait, scratch that last one.

So here's a sketch from the hilarious comedy troupe The Label which includes but is not limited to Tommy Ryman, Bill Young, Eric Nigg, Mitch Hansen, Amber Preston and Matt Olson. This one's called "I Have a Girlfriend" - tell me what you think!